I gave him all of me, all that I had, all that I didn’t have; I would do anything to put a smile on his face again. I still love him with all my being, my heart, my body, my soul.
I wondered what he dreams of, what he feels… I wonder if he’s ever felt anything in his heart. I’ve always questioned his motives, his interest, his word. I realized that months ago, he stopped kissing my forehead; he no longer told me that I was beautiful, we walk silently down the street with our hands in our pockets.
I wonder if I am going to live the same story over & over & over again? The question always comes to me, “What was/am I doing wrong?”.
If an entire class fails, it’s not the students; it has to be the teacher.
Time and time again, I have have always come back saying, “I don’t believe in love anymore”. -But it’s the sort of thing that you say to yourself in the hope that one day you will really believe it.
I’ve been told by friends that deep down inside that I am still a normal human being that is worth being swept away by Prince Charming. Unfortunately thus far, happily ever after has not been part of my life. I’ve hoped, prayed, wished & begged for it, but it is due time I came to my senses & accept that it will not happen. It just isn’t in my plans.
How can I believe in love any more? How can I believe that love will find a way? How can I believe in a better, kinder, easier world? How can I believe in the good of others when all they ever do is show me that they do not believe in love & are all too selfish?
Everyone seems to be fighting so hard for “independence”, to stand on their own two feet to save themselves from the horrible change of unity; forever afraid to “lose” themselves within another person. That unknown is a chance most do not want to take because they fear that all it can bring is misery… myself included.
Do we have to be alone, in order to come to grips with ourselves? How is my “independence” going to teach me about love and the unity of this amazing life?
We naturally seek out people that we think can help, but can they? Can the limitations of others help us overcome our own? The whole idea ying-yang, “you are what I am not”, balance between opposites.
In turn, we search for people that can help us but in the end what we settle for are people that mirror back our own limitations. When we do finally find someone strong enough to get us through, we let fear take over, & toss them aside, then justify it with our fears.